This was written by my student, Josh Mullins
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I test next week for my white sash. I am not sure of my readiness, and I am only beginning to see that there isn\u2019t really ever an \u201cattainment\u201d to this art. I am also beginning to understand the \u201cinternal\u201d aspect, as well.<\/p>\n
Xing Yi Quan means \u201cform, intention, fist.\u201d From my readings I\u2019m seeing that this means the mind thinks, and the body does. This came to me a bit more clearly at class last night.<\/p>\n
Shifu Read was demonstrating on me a lot last night (i.e. I was getting thrown around quite a bit). Naturally, I\u2019m pretty helpless against the attacks from my teacher. And then it hit me…why am I thinking I\u2019m helpless? Why do I assume I cannot contend with someone larger or stronger than me? My whole life I\u2019ve had this mindset: I am not strong enough…I\u2019m not good enough\u2026And, it\u2019s true, but I\u2019m looking at it wrong…<\/p>\n
For the record, I am not coming at this as, if I just think I\u2019m strong, I\u2019ll be strong. There is SO much more to us, because we are both mind and body. Physical training is important, but I see I need some mental training as well. Being one who deals with depression pretty heavily, I learned something about myself. My will is weak, which is leading to weakness of heart, and thus affecting my whole life. Sometimes our biggest opponent is our own individual mindset. The martial art is internal.<\/p>\n
When Shifu attacked, I realized I was running MENTALLY. My intention was weak, so my body became weak. When Shifu attacked, I realized he followed through on the intention of his attack. But his confidence isn\u2019t so much from his training in the physical motions, it\u2019s the fact that he knows what he\u2019s capable of, and follows through. By assuming I\u2019m capable of nothing, I do nothing. And not only in defensive\/offensive attacks, but also in my day to day life.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t believe in self-esteem. Christ esteemed himself as nothing, though being God. But He knew what God was capable of, and He followed through. I often get hung up in my sin, thinking I am useless to God and man, because I cannot seem to overcome my sin. I assume I am only capable of sin, because it is the will of my flesh. This doesn\u2019t help the depression. But Christ didn\u2019t do HIS will. He \u201cdoes the will of Him who sent me.\u201d It wasn\u2019t so much about what Christ as a man was capable of, but what GOD was capable of through Him. He came to demonstrate this whole concept for us. My will IS weak. I AM weak. God is strong, and I am His. Thus, knowing God\u2019s will for me and others, I should be able to follow through, despite my own weakness. The internal art in my life requires faith in God.<\/p>\n
Those without God, seek \u201cpeace,\u201d and therefore tend to have a stronger will, since they must rely on themselves to produce it (I\u2019ve always wondered how the godless can have so much confidence). This, in turn, makes them hard to reach for Christ, because their will contends with God\u2019s will. Gen. 6, before the flood, God says the \u201cintention of his (man\u2019s) heart was only evil continually.\u201d It may not have necessarily been immoral by cultural or even Biblical standards, but the intention was to be self-providing and self-empowering (Tower of Babel). The intention of their hearts was contrary to the only intention in the universe of any value. God knows this leads to misery in the individual and society. This is why I\u2019ve been miserable most of my life. I\u2019m striving to attain some level of goodness to have peace of mind. I have fooled myself into thinking I have to do this for God. I have fooled myself into thinking this is HOW to serve God. This is not His will for me. His will is for Him to be my strength. We can\u2019t be strong together. It\u2019s one or the other. It\u2019s my goodness or His. I believed a lie taught to me by culture, which has infiltrated the church. God doesn\u2019t make us strong. He doesn\u2019t want us to be strong. He wants us to trust His strength. He wants to us to acknowledge our lowly state, and rely on Him to cover it. This is the foundation of faith and departure from the Law. I am a legalist\u2026<\/p>\n
To relate this back to kung fu, I have also set up a law in my mind. I am low in rank, thus I cannot possibly do well. I think if I just practice the moves, get flexible, and gain some strength, I\u2019ll be a good fighter. But the truth is, I must consider my intentions in the practice. WHY am I practicing babuda? What is my intention in wu hu shing? If I have no intention or will, then all these moves I\u2019m testing on are just weird dances. I must tear down the striving to master a hand position, and understand why I need to have that hand position. Rather than see the moves as law, I need to see them in multiple applications. I need to practice the intention, not just the fist…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This was written by my student, Josh Mullins ____________________________________________________________ I test next week for my white sash. I am not sure of my readiness, and I am only beginning to see that there isn\u2019t really ever an \u201cattainment\u201d to this … Continue reading