Recently I was able to visit some kung fu family on the other side of the country.\u00a0 While we were all sitting around and visiting, a question from a younger belt was raised.\u00a0 “How do I get calm?”\u00a0 Such a great question, and he got some really good advice from more experienced students.<\/p>\n
I personally identify with the sentiment behind the question.\u00a0 And I have reflected on the answers given over that last week.\u00a0 Staying calm and focused in the middle of an intense experience is very difficult, yet vital to the leveling up of the individuals abilities.\u00a0 I feel like this is one of the goals I have spent more energy on attaining than almost any other in my training thus far.\u00a0 I am not sure I have really attained it yet either.<\/p>\n
It is so much more than just “not panicking” … although that is a good first step.\u00a0 It’s about being able to reach a state where you are free from the restraints of fear, frustration, self judgement, and insecurity.\u00a0 Each one of those elements require addressing individually in order to reach the goal.<\/p>\n
Insecurity is the feeling of not being confident that you are good enough. Confidence from practice helps with the insecurity a little.\u00a0Progression is key to this kind of practice based confidence.\u00a0 Solo practice can only bring so much confidence, at some point you have to progress to more difficult circumstances, someone has to challenge you more. Something even deeper that helps even more is the removal of expectations.\u00a0 The enemy here is pride.\u00a0 This is a personal journey.\u00a0 I find that when I can enter a competitive scenario with no expectations of myself to win then I am free of the distraction of the little voice in my head that is berating me about my performance and placing pressure on me to “not lose”.\u00a0 This allows me to focus and relax even more.\u00a0 But I also notice that my mind likes to focus on my failures instead of my successes.\u00a0 Redefining my expectation of what I think I should be capable of is very important.\u00a0 It’s ok.\u00a0 It’s ok that you are where you are in your training.\u00a0 The color of the belt around your waist doesn’t matter.\u00a0 The number of degrees on it doesn’t matter either.\u00a0 Neither does how many years you have been training.\u00a0 Just be what you are and accept it.\u00a0 It is what it is, and you are what you are.\u00a0 Acceptance of yourself as you are without expectation or judgement is a vital part of maturity both martially and individually.<\/p>\n
Freeing yourself of the enemy of fear is almost impossible, but freeing yourself of the restraints of fear is doable.\u00a0 This is called stress inoculation, but in order to do it successfully you need a family who you can trust to challenge you to the point that you can begin to acclimate to the pressure of high intensity training.\u00a0 As is so often true, trust is needed to combat fear.\u00a0 It starts with determining that you are going to trust the person you are training with to not hurt you, even though it feels like they could.\u00a0 This means you have to have people you can trust with this.\u00a0 If they are not trustworthy in this regard, then don’t.\u00a0 I find that it is helpful sometimes to ask myself the question, “what am I afraid of?”\u00a0 More times than not, I am not really afraid of hurting myself, but instead I am afraid of failing, or looking foolish.\u00a0 These things need to be recognized.\u00a0 Surround yourself with people who encourage you.\u00a0 Who make you feel safe.\u00a0 If you don’t try you won’t ever succeed, and no success comes without failure and looking foolish sometimes. Just keep working at it.<\/p>\n
Frustration often comes from failure.\u00a0 It’s ok to fail in training… it’s expected and necessary.\u00a0 A few things you need to keep in mind.\u00a0 Everyone is different, they learn at different rates and have different backgrounds and skill sets to build on.\u00a0 They might pass you up.\u00a0 Less experienced people may outperform you.\u00a0 It’s ok.\u00a0 You just do you.\u00a0 Perseverance and acceptance\u00a0are the keys to overcoming frustration.\u00a0 If you don’t quit, then you will get it eventually.\u00a0 If this was easy they wouldn’t call it kung fu.\u00a0 If it was easy it would likely not give fulfillment and satisfaction in the accomplishment of it.<\/p>\n
Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath, accept you will fail, understand that it’s ok – at any level of skill or experience.\u00a0 Embrace your training family, instead of expecting something unrealistic of yourself, let them help you.\u00a0 Trust them and trust yourself.\u00a0 Silence that ego and self-judging voice in your head.<\/p>\n
Train hard, so you can fight easy.<\/p>\n
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Recently I was able to visit some kung fu family on the other side of the country.\u00a0 While we were all sitting around and visiting, a question from a younger belt was raised.\u00a0 “How do I get calm?”\u00a0 Such a … Continue reading